Sunday, 26 April 2015
Have you ever felt like everyone is turning their back on you? Like the world is turning its back on you? I clearly have no idea what I'm going through. I push people away for no apparent reason. I take people who actually truly care and I just push them aside. I know it sounds really ungrateful but maybe its me being afraid of what the future holds.. me being afraid I might get hurt again and so I bottle up mostly everything just to keep myself satisfied. But I know you may think I'm coming up with reasons just to free myself, to save myself from bullshits which I'm not ready to face and I don't blame you for taking it that way because you're human too and same goes to me, I'm human too. I'm allowed to feel afraid, I'm allowed to push people away, I'm allowed to pick the path I want but yeah some of you don't think that way. Well I'm in no position to judge either. Sometimes I feel like I'm a cold person but you have no idea how much I could love, how much I could feel but somewhere along the road, someone I trusted, someone I loved took it away and I can't seem to find it anymore, I can't seem to make things right again and I'm sorry. The things I went through left a huge hole in my life and I'm working on it to really patch things up so please do understand my situation. I know I've given you hope and I didn't mean too.. I just wanted to feel what was it like to finally be seen by someone and I thank you for that.. Clearly I wasn't ready for any commitment or even to handle someones heart in my hands.. I'm just not ready and I don't think I ever will.. I hope I do though. I truly apologize for anything I said intentionally or unintentionally, I really am sorry. I know apologies don't mend broken hearts but I just want you to know that I am really really sorry. To tell you the truth, I'm a miserable person who is trying to survive this war inside of me...